Hauntings from our past

No matter where we go, we always have a past. No matter how hard we work at forgetting our past, it is always there. For some, that past is harsh; it haunts, taunts, even tortures. We have got to move forward and not look back. Learn, glean, and take from the past what is necessary to improve.

I have known several people who had weight loss surgery and I heard them say that they still see their self as the fat person in the mirror.  Through my weight loss journey I wasn’t seeing that; until the other day. The past looked at me in the mirror and asked me where all my progress was. I actually felt heavier that day then I had in a long time.  I struggled through that day until I finally wrapped my head around what was going on. I put that past right where it belonged: IN THE PAST.  I held my head high and kept reminding myself of the all the work I had done and all the progress I had made even though for some reason I wasn’t seeing it right then. I didn’t give in and  you shouldn’t either.

Whether you are going through a journey of weight loss, of grief, sorrow, depression, anxiety, separation issues, loss, no matter what you’re going through, put your past where it belongs; IN THE PAST. Each day wake up, dress up and show up for the day. I have decided to bounce out of bed and look each day in the eye and be thankful for another chance to take my journey forward.

You will have struggles as do I. It’s what you do with them that matters. It’s not the size of the fight but the size of the fight in the person. I keep saying over and over you should be worth it too. I’m worth it. You’re worth it. Don’t let the fight take over you. You take over the fight.

There are some who wake up daily to face the grind (j-o-b). There are some who don’t work for whatever reason (and I’m not judging).  I’ve had my times and reasons for not working and just sit at home with nothing to do. If that is your struggle, I encourage you to get up every day, set your alarm, dress up, make yourself a daily schedule and do it. Staying home with nothing to do will only discourage and depress you. Find something to do that will keep you intrigued. Maybe you don't need to work but each person needs to feel needed and like they have a purpose. Give yourself a purpose if you don't feel you have one (and we all do but sometimes a purpose guiding light is dim and we need help searching for it).  No matter what you do, do it with purpose.

I’ve shared I have gone thru a lot. As a child I felt so unloved, unwanted, unwelcomed and faced every form of abuse. This all cultivated the feelings of worthlessness. I had no fight. Oppression and depression became my life. I allowed myself however to stay that victim. Many of us do and don’t even realize it. I didn’t realize it. I’ve been asked by several people what changed me; what motivated me to be able to change. In all honesty, I finally got tired of it all. I had to accept I was a victim not because of my past, but because of my past I continued to allow myself to be a victim. At some point in your life if you want change you have to stand up and fight. You have to say enough; I will no longer allow this to oppress me. I will no longer allow myself to lay here in the waller and pits of disparity. 

These feelings can come back to haunt you and the bad part is you may not even know what the trigger is to make them fester. It could be a good or bad event that triggers it. For me the other day, I was getting ready for a happy event when these feelings hit me.  It was a day I should've been overwhelmed with joy and happiness because of the day's plans. Instead I spent a large portion of my day focusing on how I felt and how I looked. I am thankful however I was able to overcome it.

Today I have a different situation I'm facing. Because of my past I sometimes feel inadequate still and even insecure. It affects relationships, friendships, and even your own mind. It's a struggle but I keep reminding myself those feelings are the past and need to go back there. Every time I think to myself well maybe this person didn't talk to me, or didn't answer the phone, or didn't reply right was because it's me. NO that isn't today, THAT IS THE PAST.  I'm sharing this because I know some can relate. Focus on today. Focus on your new journey. Send the past packing and don't entertain it. That is my current task . . . I am working daily on my weight loss, eating right (eating period sometimes) getting enough water in, exercising, and keeping the past where it belongs.

What is haunting you? The next time you feel something negative trying to tell you you're something your not, send it packing. But also try to figure what may have triggered it. Was it a good thing or bad thing that triggered it. Just because a good thing triggers a bad emotion doesn't mean that good thing is bad. It means there is a struggle associated with that good thing and you need to learn how to deal with it. I hope I have made enough sense to help someone who is going through a struggle. Hold on and hold your head high. You are worth it too!

Love and peace to all.

Kat