Secondary Issues

I ‘ve seen a lot of people who attempt to change and fail; who try to give up addictions and go right back; who attempt to lose weight or have a weight loss surgery and end up throwing in the towel and going right back to their starting weight or even bigger.  Heck I’ve even been there with failing multiple times.

I’ve watched documented TV shows showing people in various situations mentioned above. You start to get excited with and for them, only to find out in the end they are still struggling and they went right back to the very thing they were trying to overcome. I personally know someone who had not one but 2 weight loss surgeries (years back and more drastic by-passes.) To date he is probably 550lbs (and about 5’9”).  He told me he lost all the weight, twice, but he gained it all back because he couldn’t give up food. He told me he likes food too much to stop eating.

In all reality, so many people try to make a change by forcing it. They aren’t sold out, completely surrendered, or tired enough to give up the same old crap they’ve been doing. They want change but aren’t willing to go all in.  I play Texas Hold’em with a group of amazing friends. Sometimes when a bid is placed on the table someone who’s debating if what they have in their hand is good enough to be the winning hand and they’ll throw out their call (bid) with a “Oh, Why Not”.  Others at the table will playfully say ‘We’ve got a why not called’.  And that’s how so many people live. When they want change they go in with a half heart, a gamble they aren’t sure on. But when you’re certain of your willingness and desire for change, you’ll go ALL IN.

Life is a gamble. Nothing is guaranteed. But to me the one thing that is guaranteed, is when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired; when you’re ready to go all in, no one (and I mean no body) can stop you.  That is me. I was so tired of being confined to my own home. I absolutely hated going anywhere because I was an embarrassment to me, to my family, to all human kind for the matter of how I felt.  I couldn’t go thru the whole entire grocery store on my own. I hated that I couldn’t walk because my knees could no longer support me; because my body hurt too much; because I couldn’t walk far without being exhausted and out of breath. It was the utmost humiliation to have to use an electronic cart because quite frankly I was too fat to move, stand, walk, or even breathe.

Remember, I’ve been thru a lot and there’s more to unfold. To synopsize and to add to it, I’ve been a victim since I was a child. I was mentally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused. My mother would beat us with the orange race car tracks or anything she could get her hands on. She seldom got out of her bed or room. We were servants; unwanted children; puppets. My father committed suicide before I was the age of 3. I’ve mentioned what a lifelong feeling that does to a person. I had to battle not being good enough for a girl’s daddy to stay alive for her. I have also had to deal with the fact I was in a very controlling religious setting for 13 years. Thirteen years controlling me, dictating me, brainwashing me, assisting me in controlling my children’s lives, taking away from their child hood and controlling what they lost out on as kids. I also (and will forever have a hard time dealing with) have to deal with the fact I was married to a freaking pedophile. Not only did this disgusting half-being ruin my life, but that of one of my children. I’ve seen hell in my life. I’ve wanted to die.  BUT, I finally had to say ENOUGH.  I could tell you the list of hard times is still continuing today, but I won’t say that because I finally said enough; no more.  I chose to get up, stand up, show up, and fight. I shut the door and said no more, enough. I WILL NOT allow any of this to happen to me any longer.  Today I am happy, joyful, strong and always on the go.

I know some reading will find this hard to believe, but in all reality we attract what we are.  When I was down and out, all that came my way was the down and out crew.  When I was sitting in the wallows and pity party bleachers, no one came to be my cheerleader. When I sat on the victim’s bench, those who wanted to victimize you more come your way. We attract by the way we think. We give off the energy we believe in.  Our energy, our thinking (whether good or stinking thinking) is picked up on.  Who wants to be around Negative Nelly or Debbie Downer?  The only people who do are the ones with the same stinking thinking.  If you think you’re nothing, you’ll attract nothing. If you think you’re worthless, you’ll attract other worthless people into your life.  Since I changed my heart, my thinking, my way of being, not only do I have a better bond with people I’ve known, but I’ve also gained a few freaking awesome peeps in my life along the way (I hope you know who you are!)

So what is holding you down? What is holding you back? It’s what I was talking to a good friend about recently.  There are secondary issues. She and I were reflecting about how the people who were in my life before I started my journey and those I’ve met along the way, during my journey will be the ones who remain my closest and best friends (in my book, in my eyes) because they loved me thru literally “Thick and thin”.  They are there/where there for me in my highs, my lows; my dark and brighter moments; my ups and my downs. How can I not stay loyal to those people!  But I also reflected how sad it was to see some of the people in situations, such as on The Biggest Loser or on My 600-lb Life. You see them struggle to lose the weight and many never reach their dreams or their goals. They eventually stop or give up. I also have reflected how I worked for a company for nearly 7 years that worked with those who had weight loss surgery and so many people either never reach their goal or if and when they do end up with a plethora of other problems and addictions.  I knew some who turned to alcohol, sex, gambling, etc. The reason being … Secondary Issues!!

What do I mean about Secondary Issues?  Well it’s as simple as this:  What got the person to the problem they are trying to address in the first place? What drove their weight to astronomic proportions or drove them to porn, gambling, drugs, or alcoholism?  Why did they lose all the weight to turn to one of these addictions?  It’s because there was another issue that never got addressed. There was some underlying cause that they keep locked up in their closet; their demons still haunt them.  If you are struggling to find the strength, courage, ability, whatever it is to make the change, start searching to find out why. Remember, you can lie to others but you can’t lie to yourself. Examine yourself deep inside, is there something you are struggling with.  I was able to finally stand up on my own two feet and I’m not trying to say oh look at me I’m so much better than those who can’t; I’m not. What I am trying to say however, is if you’re able to, why not? Why not say enough?  But if you’re not able to stand up, be determined, decide enough, or you find yourself doing it but then turning your success into new habits that aren’t good, then it’s time for you to be honest to you, to care enough for you and say I NEED HELP.  It takes a strong person to admit they need help! Seeking help is not for the week. It’s a very humbling experience to admit you need help.  

In my journey I have turned my negative into good. I’m picking up better things every day. I have fallen in love with fitness driven activities greater than I ever had before. It’s my new addiction and I’ll happily admit it. It’s a good addiction and I love it. It is positive. It’s encouraging. It’s uplifting. It gives euphoric release. And the people I meet continually in the athletically motivated communities are for the most part, amazing people.  My journey is a 180 degree turn, but it wasn’t a 180 overnight. It took one step. The first step was determining I had enough. 

What is holding you back? What is holding you down? I’m always here if you want to chat. Comment along the blog and if you don’t want to put all your feelings just comment me your email address or shoot just email me at mommakat01@yahoo.com.  But if you are still struggling please get professional help. Search you and realize no matter what you’ve done, seen, or been through, you are worth being whole, complete, and happy.

Much love and peace to all (No peaches for you this time Jewels J)

Kat