I ‘ve seen a lot of people who attempt to change and fail;
who try to give up addictions and go right back; who attempt to lose weight or
have a weight loss surgery and end up throwing in the towel and going right
back to their starting weight or even bigger.
Heck I’ve even been there with failing multiple times.
I’ve watched documented TV shows showing people in various
situations mentioned above. You start to get excited with and for them, only to
find out in the end they are still struggling and they went right back to the
very thing they were trying to overcome. I personally know someone who had not
one but 2 weight loss surgeries (years back and more drastic by-passes.) To
date he is probably 550lbs (and about 5’9”).
He told me he lost all the weight, twice, but he gained it all back
because he couldn’t give up food. He told me he likes food too much to stop
eating.
In all reality, so many people try to make a change by
forcing it. They aren’t sold out, completely surrendered, or tired enough to
give up the same old crap they’ve been doing. They want change but aren’t
willing to go all in. I play Texas Hold’em
with a group of amazing friends. Sometimes when a bid is placed on the table
someone who’s debating if what they have in their hand is good enough to be the
winning hand and they’ll throw out their call (bid) with a “Oh, Why Not”. Others at the table will playfully say ‘We’ve
got a why not called’. And that’s how so
many people live. When they want change they go in with a half heart, a gamble
they aren’t sure on. But when you’re certain of your willingness and desire for
change, you’ll go ALL IN.
Life is a gamble. Nothing is guaranteed. But to me the one
thing that is guaranteed, is when you are sick and tired of being sick and
tired; when you’re ready to go all in, no one (and I mean no body) can stop
you. That is me. I was so tired of being
confined to my own home. I absolutely hated going anywhere because I was an embarrassment
to me, to my family, to all human kind for the matter of how I felt. I couldn’t go thru the whole entire grocery
store on my own. I hated that I couldn’t walk because my knees could no longer
support me; because my body hurt too much; because I couldn’t walk far without
being exhausted and out of breath. It was the utmost humiliation to have to use
an electronic cart because quite frankly I was too fat to move, stand, walk, or
even breathe.
Remember, I’ve been thru a lot and there’s more to unfold.
To synopsize and to add to it, I’ve been a victim since I was a child. I was
mentally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused. My mother would beat us
with the orange race car tracks or anything she could get her hands on. She
seldom got out of her bed or room. We were servants; unwanted children;
puppets. My father committed suicide before I was the age of 3. I’ve mentioned
what a lifelong feeling that does to a person. I had to battle not being good
enough for a girl’s daddy to stay alive for her. I have also had to deal with
the fact I was in a very controlling religious setting for 13 years. Thirteen years
controlling me, dictating me, brainwashing me, assisting me in controlling my
children’s lives, taking away from their child hood and controlling what they
lost out on as kids. I also (and will forever have a hard time dealing with)
have to deal with the fact I was married to a freaking pedophile. Not only did
this disgusting half-being ruin my life, but that of one of my children. I’ve
seen hell in my life. I’ve wanted to die.
BUT, I finally had to say ENOUGH.
I could tell you the list of hard times is still continuing today, but I
won’t say that because I finally said enough; no more. I chose to get up, stand up, show up, and
fight. I shut the door and said no more, enough. I WILL NOT allow any of this
to happen to me any longer. Today I am
happy, joyful, strong and always on the go.
I know some reading will find this hard to believe, but in
all reality we attract what we are. When
I was down and out, all that came my way was the down and out crew. When I was sitting in the wallows and pity
party bleachers, no one came to be my cheerleader. When I sat on the victim’s
bench, those who wanted to victimize you more come your way. We attract by the
way we think. We give off the energy we believe in. Our energy, our thinking (whether good or stinking
thinking) is picked up on. Who wants to
be around Negative Nelly or Debbie Downer?
The only people who do are the ones with the same stinking thinking. If you think you’re nothing, you’ll attract
nothing. If you think you’re worthless, you’ll attract other worthless people
into your life. Since I changed my
heart, my thinking, my way of being, not only do I have a better bond with
people I’ve known, but I’ve also gained a few freaking awesome peeps in my life
along the way (I hope you know who you are!)
So what is holding you down? What is holding you back? It’s
what I was talking to a good friend about recently. There are secondary issues. She and I were
reflecting about how the people who were in my life before I started my journey
and those I’ve met along the way, during my journey will be the ones who remain
my closest and best friends (in my book, in my eyes) because they loved me thru
literally “Thick and thin”. They are
there/where there for me in my highs, my lows; my dark and brighter moments; my
ups and my downs. How can I not stay loyal to those people! But I also reflected how sad it was to see some
of the people in situations, such as on The Biggest Loser or on My 600-lb Life.
You see them struggle to lose the weight and many never reach their dreams or
their goals. They eventually stop or give up. I also have reflected how I
worked for a company for nearly 7 years that worked with those who had weight
loss surgery and so many people either never reach their goal or if and when
they do end up with a plethora of other problems and addictions. I knew some who turned to alcohol, sex,
gambling, etc. The reason being … Secondary Issues!!
What do I mean about Secondary Issues? Well it’s as simple as this: What got the person to the problem they are
trying to address in the first place? What drove their weight to astronomic
proportions or drove them to porn, gambling, drugs, or alcoholism? Why did they lose all the weight to turn to
one of these addictions? It’s because
there was another issue that never got addressed. There was some underlying
cause that they keep locked up in their closet; their demons still haunt them. If you are struggling to find the strength,
courage, ability, whatever it is to make the change, start searching to find
out why. Remember, you can lie to others but you can’t lie to yourself. Examine
yourself deep inside, is there something you are struggling with. I was able to finally stand up on my own two
feet and I’m not trying to say oh look at me I’m so much better than those who
can’t; I’m not. What I am trying to say however, is if you’re able to, why not?
Why not say enough? But if you’re not
able to stand up, be determined, decide enough, or you find yourself doing it
but then turning your success into new habits that aren’t good, then it’s time
for you to be honest to you, to care enough for you and say I NEED HELP. It takes a strong person to admit they need
help! Seeking help is not for the week. It’s a very humbling experience to
admit you need help.
In my journey I have turned my negative into good. I’m
picking up better things every day. I have fallen in love with fitness driven
activities greater than I ever had before. It’s my new addiction and I’ll
happily admit it. It’s a good addiction and I love it. It is positive. It’s
encouraging. It’s uplifting. It gives euphoric release. And the people I meet
continually in the athletically motivated communities are for the most part,
amazing people. My journey is a 180
degree turn, but it wasn’t a 180 overnight. It took one step. The first step
was determining I had enough.
What is holding you back? What is holding you down? I’m
always here if you want to chat. Comment along the blog and if you don’t want
to put all your feelings just comment me your email address or shoot just email
me at mommakat01@yahoo.com. But if you are still struggling please get
professional help. Search you and realize no matter what you’ve done, seen, or
been through, you are worth being whole, complete, and happy.
Much love and peace to all (No peaches for you this time
Jewels J)
Kat
